FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
