all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
