out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
