she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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