Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
