is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
