so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
