Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
