Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
