we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
