I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
