M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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