ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
