I'm drive I can fine osifer
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
