so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
