Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
