How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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