Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
