Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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