making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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