i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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