I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize