help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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