I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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