i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
