Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
