just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
