You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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