she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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