Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
