It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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