we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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