What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dicks are not precious.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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