Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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