I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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