Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize