I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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