...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
