If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
