sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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