Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
