I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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