walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
