i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
