I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
