He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He did a backflip because drugs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
