Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
