I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
