What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
