I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
