I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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