I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize