is your mom at the bar?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
