I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
