I want to make a zoo with you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
