I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
