i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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