fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
