I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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