they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
