I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
