You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize