I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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