champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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