i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
