I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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