Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
