I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
did you just send me my own nude
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
