Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
