Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Small penises have feelings too.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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