so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just blew my weed a kiss
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
