I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
