It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
