He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
