Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
