I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
