If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
