Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
