she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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