Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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