when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
