So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
