the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
