Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
