when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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