I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
