The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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