So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
