If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
