Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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