At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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