I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Michael Bay diarrhea
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
