Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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