If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
