If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i need some magic done to my vagina
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