so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize