i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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