just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
