you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
