that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
