Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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