i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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