I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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