I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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