Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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