You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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