I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
