If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize